I Should Be…But I’m Not
April 1, 2018
How many of you have ever thought or said any of the following to yourself?
“I should be more _____.”
“Why can’t I be a _____ person?”
“I wish I could be less ______.”
*slowly raises hand*
I would imagine that most of us have thought or said something similar. It’s human nature to critique and compare ourselves. We look at someone else and see something in them that we aspire to have. Or we beat ourselves up for not being a certain way because we think that is the winning formula for happiness and success.
I’m sure you are familiar with the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” by Theodore Roosevelt. It’s a famous saying that I believe to be absolutely true. We can’t be happy with ourselves if we are constantly comparing who we are against everyone else. That’s why, over the past couple of years, I’ve been working on not getting caught in the comparison trap.
I’m not gonna lie; it’s hard! Our thoughts come and go quickly, and even when we know we shouldn’t make comparisons, we naturally do it anyway. That’s why I give myself grace when it happens, and now I take it one step further by flipping the script. I embrace who I’m not by owning who I am. Instead of sulking because I’m not this or that, I accept where I am on my journey and rephrase my thoughts to be more kind and loving.
Here are some of my personal examples:
| Old Thought | New Thought |
| Why can’t I be a morning person? | I’m not a morning person, and I’m ok with that. I’m naturally a night owl, and I’m working on ways to wake up earlier so that I can enjoy more of my day. |
| I wish I could be more productive. | I’m learning more about time-management strategies that I can use to be more effective in my work. Some days I’m on it and others are a work in progress. |
| I should be less talkative and loud. | I love to talk and I can be loud sometimes. It’s part of my fun-loving personality! |
I am learning to turn “I should be…” into “But I’m not and that’s ok.” I feel more empowered and confident when I own exactly who I am instead of feeling like I have to change to be more like someone else. Yes, there are some qualities that I want to improve, but I now am making those choices for me and not for others. For example, the old me wanted to lose weight because I believed guys only liked skinny girls (which isn’t even true!). The new me wants to lose weight because I want to live longer, feel better, and prepare my body for a healthy baby one day. I’ve shifted my mindset to focus on enhancing the quality of my life and achieving my personal goals, not copying the person next to me so I can have what they have.
I encourage you to make the same shift for yourself. The next time you catch yourself comparing who you are against another, think about how you could rephrase that thought. Accept who you are and where you are now. If there’s something you want to change, ask yourself if the change is for you and your goals. It’s time to stop beating yourself up for being someone you’re not.
Who you are is exactly who you’re meant to be, and you should be that, confidently!
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Pick one and share your thoughts:
- What do you confidently own about yourself?
- How do you work through comparing yourself to others?
- What is an “I should be…” thought that you’ve turned around into something else?
Let’s build this confident community together! Connect with me on Instagram and make sure to say hello!
Great post and three great questions to choose from! I would have to say that I confidently own the fact that I am a straight shooter and I don’t always tell people what they are hoping to hear which sometimes can result in their feelings getting hurt but it’s what makes me, ME!
Thank you, Marissa! It sounds like you are an honest person who values giving authentic feedback. That’s a wonderful quality, and I’m glad you are proud of it!
“I should be more positive…”
Not that long ago a friendship ended because the person considered me as being “unnecessarily negative.” And you know me. You know I like to joke, laugh and be sarcastic. This person took a comment that I made literally & stopped speaking to me. While I did apologize and learned that sometimes it’s best not to say the first thing that comes to your mind. I also learned that I should not beat myself up or change who I am because another person can’t take my personality. Thanks Deena and I enjoyed reading your blog post!
I love what you said above – you definitely should not beat yourself up or change who you are because one person didn’t like it. You have so many friends who know that you love to joke around! Thank you for reading and commenting! <3